You love me but it’s not enough.
I can’t see or taste your love.
It’s invisible a strain on the eye.
I sense it’s there feel you around although not near.
I’m antsy, the feeling is strong.
I wanna walk out the door.
Where are you?
The distant love is not enough.
Your heartbeat and your touch.
I’m missing you.

The lack of the physical, invasion of the mind.
While my head spins and my eyes water.
I think of you but my day dreams blink all the time.
The chaotic spells make me want to find wishing wells.
So that one day my day dream can come true.
Where are you?
The distant love is not enough.
Your heartbeat and your touch.
I’m missing you.

It’s in the air a vapor.
It’s mysterious and special.
It’s the way we breathe without questioning.
It’s the silence of the night sky.
It’s the glimming stars and glittering lights.
It’s the day with no night; night with no day.
It’s invisible.


Pictures taken by: Pamela B.
Historical Norcross, summer 2013

(Insta frame)

Visual learners:

Sometimes while I think an images pops in my mind, instead of the letters that form the words that make the sounds. I see the pictures while my mind sifts threw the thoughts. I found that picture and wrote this poem. Visual learners tend to understand this part of me. While staring at it I remembered this moment in time. Just like yesterday as I am remembering it now. A place full of potential and hope. The dream place where there is land and open spaces. A place to live comfortably economically. Not realizing my goals and aspirations were to much for the world to let me achieve. My destiny could not be fulfilled if the obstacles were not there. A time and place were I couldn’t, wasn’t … But wanted it to be for me. I remembered the feeling, the yearning, the thoughts. I remembered my drive.

Featured post

oh look how cute this is. uh ha
im smiling
it aint even got no title heh heh heh it still wont


What happens when you meet a man that looks well put together. Good family background and has goals. You hang out become friends and party for a while. Eventually you meet most of the family and are involved. Some friends are distant in life not miles. You don’t really pick up on it until he is around them without you. Everyone seems to love you. Until you guys have a fallen out. And all of a sudden no one can handle the fact that you were ever together. The families start sabotaging your life and his mind. They now want go make up for lost time in ways that are very hurtful to you and the kids. The maturity levels are low and the way they reacted and responded to disappointed was too revengeful. They are over doing it. Their family secrets are tangling up in your perceptions of him…

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now how do I change my what’ s the name of it again? Look, Cover page, layout

So after all the confusion in my life I decided to change my layout on someone else’s computer since apparently I can’t have one. I can’t apparently have nothing not even clean clothes, respect, space, privacy or other.  No matter how drained I am I decided to come at this time today after thoughts about it adding up to yesterday.  Writing isn’t a choice it is an option.  I opted to write about why I am on my own BLOG.  Instead a could of just………………………………………………………………….. sat here until my time ran out and fiddled my fingers until I found my answers.

*I’m done with this passage but I wouldn’t name it MY THOUGHTS

Ok so Imma juss use that image for you to ponder more than me cause I’m tired of ………. Being used for stupidity, jealousy, hate and revenge.  Find your own outlets even if u use mine.  Leave me out of it.  Why can’t you do it on your own.  I wish my 5 dollar headphones worked or I had a dolla.  Oh! yeah I thought of making a gallery for my BLOG maybe I will on another day and time, mood and strength.

*I thought I got rid of that Avon please believe how it needs to be gone and who ever it is



Anderson, C.A. Ihori, N.,Bushman, B.J.,Rosethestein, H.R., Shibuya, A. Swing, E.L.,& Saleem, M, (2010). Violent video game effects on aggression, empathy, and prosocial behavior in eastern and western countries: A meta-analytic review. Psychological Bulletin. 136, 151-173. doi: 10.1037/a0018251



The author’s belief in which endorsement of traditional ideology was moderate to the

relationship between exposure and aggression was tested and they are doing on going

studies to prove men are more aggressive because of the games or time spent with them.

Studies from the past that found a link between exposure to violent video games and


The video games started off harmless and simple in 1970’s; example pac-man and pong.

As years went on the games became more violent (1993). Violent video games appear to have adverse

effects on others like in the video game Mortal Combat 2000 (Anderson and Dill). Some

players more predisposed to adverse effect than others. For example individuals high in

neuroticism and low in agreeableness and consciousness in life. These people were exposed

to the games for long periods of time and eternalize it make it a part of them by taking on its

form and fighting each other instead of talking out differences or fighting the way seen in the game.


To test the hypothesis there were 168 college men participants attending large mid

western public research university. The ages ranged from 18-45 most European Mexican the

rest African American. The men were mostly also hetero sexual and single with a GED or high

school diploma. They were also mostly middle class.  In this procedure the university IRB

undergrad students were gathered from their classes in introduction to Psychology courses and

off 1 credit as incentive. While studying they filled out surveys threw their email. These surveys

included a brief demographic measure, the male role Norms Inventory- Revised, the exposure

to violent Video games measure and the Aggression Questionnaire. Using these questionnaires as

measures of measuring are useful and great for data entry. Showing physical continuous

conclusive knowledge.


There were 4 hypothesis.  This text I discusses them. In the first hypothesis they

predicted that exposure to violent video games would be significantly correlated with

aggression. After testing it proved that exposure was significantly correlated with anger. In the

second hypothesis they, ” predicted that endorsement of traditional masculinity norms will be

positively correlated with aggression.” Their hypothesis was supported using a table and scales.

They also hypothesized that the endorsement of traditional masculinity ideology will moderate

the relationship between exposure to violent video games and aggression.” A hypothesis

moderator using a continuous variable proved the endorsement of traditional masculinity

ideology moderated the exposure to violent video games and aggression. In the last hypothesis

high endorsement of traditional masculine norms was said to strengthen the relationship

between exposure to violent video games and aggression. While low endorsement of

traditional masculine norms will weaken that relationship. This time they used a simple slope



The results found all hypothesis supported and aggression significantly correlated with

exposure as in the earlier research. Exposure to violent video games is a risk factor for

aggressive behavior and it was founded that this may very well lead to aggressive individuals

wanting more and more violent video games. They also act it out and become violent

themselves or express violent behavior. There were findings about males that were

more aggressive than females physically but females were said to be more rationally aggressive.

No matter how much time spent the levels of men in general are higher than women and

excrete a toughness on a scale that is the AQ Physical Aggression scale. The men who are for

the traditional norms had a more positive reaction than the ones who reject the norms. The ones

who reject the norms and have a weaker relationship between exposure and aggression. The higher

the scores the men got on the MRNI-R who endorse traditional norms are more likely to have higher

levels of exposure. Then the men with lower MRNI-R have no relationships between exposure and

aggression in this study. The studies are limited on race, sexuality, income, religion etc.  The nature

of the studies in the future may be compromised because of diversity and bias.


In my beliefs young men should not be exposed to such violence on a regular basis.

If the college student surveys and polls proved the theory then younger men and children

should not be exposed as much either. Even with the parental supervision on the video games

some parents may not be educated with the knowledge of articles like this. Each time you play

that violent video game is a chance for conditioning no matter the length as long as it is

repetitive. The battle not to eternalize it into aggression should be channeled into

something positive like becoming a police officer or drill sergeant. As you play know pretend

from reality and when to express the behavior conscientiously. The research is informational

and I do think it is one that would be appreciated throughout the years. As we grow and our

families change. But for now it is really bias and limited to a certain class.  It does affect our

everyday lives so as I live on will take articles like this into consideration when dealing with

men who are in college and raise their children to know the exact time every day to use the

internet or play that game. It saddens me because even after the men grow up it’s a behavior

that is a part of them a learned behavior. Then they raise their children to believe shooting little

Jonny with the gun is funny or expectable when in reality it is a violence that if misused can hurt

an innocent. Now as I teach my preschool class this man’s little cute playful son needs constant







This picture is from my thoughts to you all. it doesnt date as far back as to all dates however the daters know who they are. LIPS!!







October 12, 2017

Every time I read this vampire book..? Is it the book or room. My focus is else where and I do want to understand and know what I am reading. But, my thoughts are intriguing. I get consumed and want to “see” more.  Visualize or even Eternalize.  Where does it stem from?  Most times it comes out of no where but snatches my attention for minute intervals.

1:17 pm same day

After the annoyance I went to computer lab but it was full.  Mighty funny I got SHIT to say!!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~N E L LY NELLY NELL NELL~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I somehow HAVE TO SAY YOUR NAME!?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


her u go can u see??


(I didn’t want to re type that mistake. REASONS WHY I DIDNT SAVE IT)


October 13, 2017


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~MY LITTLE ASS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Even though we all know some people were also “dating” many others. So now after we all “grew up” we serious now. Huh. Yet. And logical thinkers? Cause I would of bought pizza and drinks. Even snacks. I would of went room hopping to “check” others OUT when I couldnt sleep. Yup all in they bed. Because. I was on vacation. We didn’t make the mall however, they stole my/our swag! Yes they all did. And some people made arrangements without consulting with all, most or at least the one whom most counted and others along with may have had other obligations and were just “layed over”. (this is an example of how i should of let you all KISS my ass.)


*Quoted from a song or two for me. LOLZ




I listened to symphonies as a kid

I watched plays and thought they were well orchestrated

I mimicked you from a distance as a child

It felt like you were right next to me

I thought you were awesome

I couldn’t reach you when I was young

I didn’t think as far as the stars it was for fun

I played pretend and in my youth but I didn’t smother you

It felt like I was interpreting your understanding

I thought you were awesome

I wrote on trees as a lad

I copied the finest notes from elders and printed them

I represented the women and men that stood out without interupting

It felt like we were in unison

I thought you were awesome

I thougtht you were awesome!

Now older and wiser but no income and I can only read what I already have while you sit on BET

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shot blocker raoch stomper bullet to his head armed robber misceleneas villian coach dropper she the fool the devils eyes on my time my line my wine postal whipper money clipper who the fool he left handed no zipper so watch me pick him clpip him whip him already delivered him get rid of him she wont stop untill the night meets day and we burry him she who me no name and sweet she like chocolate roses sometimes petit she tired of false tongues high hopes and revengeful dope nod on this sleep on that we angry at the world and she ready to go



Hey Nelly hurry up and fuck her.

get your pay back you missed it right.

fuck her

what you waiting for?

she a stunna.

vengeance when your dick in her.

you know they waiting for the day to say hoe.

yall gonna come back for me after yall go to far?

she was the hottest body.

why her pussy ain’t on fire with you.

push that dick up till she can’t breathe no more.

rotten fruit throw away your bad apple.

she soft spoken and act innocent a concoction for disaster.

no marriages no weddings no such thing as love.

just fucking and money hating.

hurry up and fuck that pussy up cause it is my mind you waiting to invade.


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